i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
