I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She even gives head with a lisp.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
