i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
