hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please, let me fuck your mom
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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