Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
