went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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