he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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