I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
