i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
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thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think your dad took our porno
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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