theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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