Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
