so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
