chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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