the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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