I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
