I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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