I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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