his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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