I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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