All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
