Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
