I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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