Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
