Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize