My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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