I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
