My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
