I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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