Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
