i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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