Ketchup is God's man juice
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
