i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
