Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
