Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
