can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
