I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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