I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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