True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
