took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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