My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.