aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.