You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.