Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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