your thong is hanging out like whoa
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
