Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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