Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
