Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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