I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
