I think i sorta joined a cult last night
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
