I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
