She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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