woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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