she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
