I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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