you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
