3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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