I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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