Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
