Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
