he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
