this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
