no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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