Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
