Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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