its not stalking. its research.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
