Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.