So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
nutella sex= disaster
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.