I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
