I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
