We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
