apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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