ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
