I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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