I want to stick my p in your. b.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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