Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
