Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she smelled like a LAN party
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
