Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
