I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
