I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
