the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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