there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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